Sometimes I feel like I was born with my eyes the wrong way round and while everyone looks outwards I look in. I’ll be exploring my own thoughts so deeply that I get lost in the tunnels and can’t find a way back out. We live with worlds inside our heads – worlds that are wonderful to explore. But can also be dangerous.
Recently I’ve felt trapped in my own mind. I went exploring, trying to understand who I was and what I wanted to be. But suddenly I turned around and the path back to the outside was gone. It had changed, the turns weren’t where they used to be…
You might have noticed that for a while I stopped posting on here. In fact I stopped writing at all and when I did put the metaphorical pen to paper the words felt forced. Like I was following a path that was no longer there. It’s hard to write about a world it feels like you can no longer see and it wasn’t until I stopped trying to escape that things got better.
“Sometimes the only way to ever find yourself is to get completely lost.” – Kellie Elmore
I spent so long fighting for a way out of my mind that I didn’t realise I was there for a reason. When I stopped trying to break free, when I started to let my mind show me what I needed to see…that’s when the path back to the outside came into view.
We’re all so obsessed with everything going on around us. We tweet and share and like. The world is always changing, it’s always on the brink of ending and I feel so worried that if I retreat into my own private world for a while I’ll miss it. I’ll miss the moment where it all changed and when I come back out I won’t recognise anything anymore.
But I won’t miss it. The world won’t end if I take a break from it.
I’ve learnt to love the world inside my head. Over the past month or so I’ve learned to appreciate its purpose. So now I can return with a fresh view. I know that sometimes I will still need to retreat, that sometimes I will still need to hide away inside my mind. But now I know I don’t need to claw my way back out.
The path always appears in the end…