The Worlds Inside My Head. . .

Sometimes I feel like I was born with my eyes the wrong way round and while everyone looks outwards I look in. I’ll be exploring my own thoughts so deeply that I get lost in the tunnels and can’t find a way back out. We live with worlds inside our heads – worlds that are wonderful to explore. But can also be dangerous.

Recently I’ve felt trapped in my own mind. I went exploring, trying to understand who I was and what I wanted to be. But suddenly I turned around and the path back to the outside was gone. It had changed, the turns weren’t where they used to be…

You might have noticed that for a while I stopped posting on here. In fact I stopped writing at all and when I did put the metaphorical pen to paper the words felt forced. Like I was following a path that was no longer there. It’s hard to write about a world it feels like you can no longer see and it wasn’t until I stopped trying to escape that things got better.

“Sometimes the only way to ever find yourself is to get completely lost.” – Kellie Elmore

I spent so long fighting for a way out of my mind that I didn’t realise I was there for a reason. When I stopped trying to break free, when I started to let my mind show me what I needed to see…that’s when the path back to the outside came into view.

post-head-001

We’re all so obsessed with everything going on around us. We tweet and share and like. The world is always changing, it’s always on the brink of ending and I feel so worried that if I retreat into my own private world for a while I’ll miss it. I’ll miss the moment where it all changed and when I come back out I won’t recognise anything anymore.

But I won’t miss it. The world won’t end if I take a break from it.

I’ve learnt to love the world inside my head. Over the past month or so I’ve learned to appreciate its purpose. So now I can return with a fresh view. I know that sometimes I will still need to retreat, that sometimes I will still need to hide away inside my mind. But now I know I don’t need to claw my way back out.

The path always appears in the end…

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